Thursday, September 22, 2011

Is there such a thing as the perfect man?

A man walks to the corner of Oxford Street and Regent Street in London during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi straight away.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says: %26quot;Perfect timing. You're just like Stevie%26quot;

%26quot;Who?%26quot; says the man.

%26quot;Stevie Jones. He was a guy who did everything right. Like my taxi being vacant during a rainstorm. It would have happened for Stevie.%26quot;

%26quot;Well no one is perfect. There are always a few clouds over everybody,%26quot; the man replies.

%26quot;Not Stevie,%26quot; says cabbie. %26quot;He was a terrific athlete. He could have turned professional at golf or tennis and he danced like a West End star. He was handsome and sophisticated, more than George Clooney. He had a better body than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. He was something!%26quot;

%26quot;Somehow Stevie just new exactly how to make women happy,%26quot; the cabbie continues.

%26quot;He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out.%26quot;

%26quot;No wonder you remember him!%26quot; says the man.

%26quot;I never actually met Stevie,%26quot; admits cabbie.

%26quot;Then how do you know so much about him?%26quot; asks the man.

%26quot;After he died I married his wife.%26quot;Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
Ha ha ha.!!!

That is good.!!!

10/10.!!!

Cheers mate got me laughing.!!Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
Thank you.

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Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
Perfection doesnt even existIs there such a thing as the perfect man?
Hahahaha, that about right!!!Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
LMAO!!!!!!!!!Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
he he good one

Stevie is just like my manIs there such a thing as the perfect man?
no one is perfectIs there such a thing as the perfect man?
What do a perfect man and UFO's have in common?



I have heard they exist but i have never seen 1





The perfect man and the perfect woman are on their perfect honeymoon, when they see Santa Clause on the side of the road. Being the perfect couple they stop and help him finish his route, but on the way, they get in the perfect car crash and all but 1 of them die. Who is it?



the perfect woman becuase none of the others exist,





A smart blonde, a perfect man and god are in an elevator and there is a $100 bill on the floor, who picks it up?



The next person to get on the elevator-













Non of them existIs there such a thing as the perfect man?
isn't the perferct man, Santa Claus?Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
well in some eyes there is suck thing as a perfect man .although for me it would depend on what the man as being judged for and why and than ,what makes him perfect would be in the eye of the beholder so i would say yes there is such thing as a perfect man in some peoples mind but may i remind everyone that no one is perfect and that we are all sinners and there is no such thing as perfect as everyone sees things differently and we all have flaws therefore my answer would be no no man nor we man would or should be perfect some people ask questions before thought this one took very little thought and alto of common seance i hope that people will think before they speak and listen to learn and oUr world would be much easier and if Ur looking for the perfect man than i am sorry to tell u you will never find it unless ur looking in a differ ant demean er so to speak life is way more enjoyable than looking for perfection look for other things and u may find life is more pleasurable than you think!!!!Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
hahahaahahahahahhahahahah poor cabbie!!!!!Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
I feel sorry for the taxi driver.Is there such a thing as the perfect man?
LOL....thats funny

Can anyone help with my 2000 Oldsmobile Alero?

I have a 2000 Oldsmobile Alero that I just bought used, however, there's a few problems. The car runs very well but there's a few inconveniences that I would like fixed. The first problem is the driver's side speaker to the stereo. It works but the sound is very faint. Any reason why this would happen and how I can fix it? The other two things that don't work are the remote mirrors and button to open the trunk. Do I need to change the fuse to these in order for them to work? Thanks in advance. I appreciate it.Can anyone help with my 2000 Oldsmobile Alero?
It is possible the speaker is just blown, but I checked the schematic for the trunk release and it shares a fuse in the IP fuse block with the radio amp. As for the mirrors that fuse is also in the IP fuse panel.

Either you have multiple issues or maybe a main problem in the IP fuse block, possibly a water leak or loose wires.Can anyone help with my 2000 Oldsmobile Alero?
I have the perfect solution.



Sell that poor car before something inevitably major occurs.Can anyone help with my 2000 Oldsmobile Alero?
the speaker is probably blown,for the mirrors check the fuse and the trunk too there is fuses for all electronics parts in the car.

The perfect man?

A man walks to the corner of Oxford Street and Regent Street in London during a downpour and somehow manages to get a taxi straight away.

He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says: %26quot;Perfect timing. You're just like Stevie%26quot;

%26quot;Who?%26quot; says the man.

%26quot;Stevie Jones. He was a guy who did everything right. Like my taxi being vacant during a rainstorm. It would have happened for Stevie.%26quot;

%26quot;Well no one is perfect. There are always a few clouds over everybody,%26quot; the man replies.

%26quot;Not Stevie,%26quot; says cabbie. %26quot;He was a terrific athlete. He could have turned professional at golf or tennis and he danced like a West End star. He was handsome and sophisticated, more than George Clooney. He had a better body than Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. He was something!%26quot;

%26quot;Somehow Stevie just new exactly how to make women happy,%26quot; the cabbie continues.

%26quot;He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out.%26quot;

%26quot;No wonder you remember him!%26quot; says the man.

%26quot;I never actually met Stevie,%26quot; admits cabbie.

%26quot;Then how do you know so much about him?%26quot; asks the man.

%26quot;After he died I married his wife.%26quot;The perfect man?
ha ha ha funny

thanks for a laugh

10/10The perfect man?
yeah, i quite liked that one.

good.The perfect man?
FunnyThe perfect man?
lol. nice one.The perfect man?
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!The perfect man?
haha lol that was actually great



but the punch line could have had more .. delivery



but it was funny



=]The perfect man?
It's quite a good one. :DThe perfect man?
Very good, probably strike a chord with many people.The perfect man?
LIKE IT.The perfect man?
too true.lolThe perfect man?
It's more towards sweet than funny actually =)The perfect man?
He! he! very funny....The perfect man?
That's cute, I gave you a star.The perfect man?
Very funny!

Love it!

Thay do say you don`t know what you have till its gone!!!!!The perfect man?
ROFLMAO...now that was good...wish I could give you more than one star!The perfect man?
liked that ..........%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;starThe perfect man?
love it *The perfect man?
come on!The perfect man?
hahaha, very funny.The perfect man?
Ha ha ha.!!!

Good one.!!!

10/10.!!!

Cheers for a laugh.!!!The perfect man?
lol!!The perfect man?
lolThe perfect man?
good oneThe perfect man?
haha i did'nt see the punchline coming ,cool oneThe perfect man?
Poor guy!!The perfect man?
Lmao

funny

10/10
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  • Heard the Joke about Frank Feldman?

    A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'

    Passenger: 'Who?'



    Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'

    Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'



    Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

    Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special.'



    Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right'

    Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'



    Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

    Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'



    Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank, he died. I married his f**kin?widow.Heard the Joke about Frank Feldman?
    not that goodHeard the Joke about Frank Feldman?
    Hahahaha that's a great one!Heard the Joke about Frank Feldman?
    weird, it didn't make me laugh out loud, but it really amused me-easily your best joke.have a star!Heard the Joke about Frank Feldman?
    that's funny,but without the curse.Heard the Joke about Frank Feldman?
    I know the feeling.Heard the Joke about Frank Feldman?
    umm.. dnt get it..?

    Could you annotate this poem please?

    - What is happening in 'The Chucky'

    - How does the writer use language to interest the reader?



    My grandmother

    works the chucky. She funnels

    A handful of maize* into the hole

    just as her mother used to do.

    Sometimes she feels the grainy texture

    Of her grandmother聮s palm.

    Once, the mud dried room

    Filled with the spirits of all our mothers.

    But usually all she can see

    Is her ageing hand, all she can feel

    Is an aching absence.

    My mother

    Has a Philips grinder and my sister

    Knows how to change the fuse.

    And when they make roasted maize

    We always have it with spinach

    And lots of butter. Sometimes the scents

    Bring my grandmother back

    Before our eyes, and we recall

    The story of how our mother

    Ran in with our father to tell

    My grandmother of their plans to go to England.

    Of how the grinding stopped and the flour

    Spilt and the sudden silence

    Was interrupted by a gust

    Which shut the door on the light.Could you annotate this poem please?
    Read the question - what is it asking you - what happens in the poem, how does the poet use language to interest the reader? So your response should focus on the words used and why you think they have been employed.



    Firstly %26quot;chucky%26quot; - an unusual, dialect word, which makes the reader want to find out more about this strange device.



    The repitition of %26quot;mother%26quot; is also interesting, emphasising a ritual that has been passed down from mother to daughter. This is a connection with the past, and somehow the graininess of the maize reminds her grandmother of this, with her feeling the same sensations as her mother must have done.



    I think %26quot;mud-dried%26quot; is also interesting as it highlights the primitive nature of the surroundings and the primal, simple nature of the task. This is a natural process, as is the drying out of mud in sunlight, which has been carried out since time immemorial.



    %26quot;Aching absence%26quot; - note the assonance of the repeated %26quot;a%26quot; sound describes the pain of death and a loss of a loved one.



    The traditional, family ritual of grinding the maize is contrasted with modern technology %26quot;My mother has a Philips grinder and my sister / Knows how to change the fuse%26quot; - whether this is positive (i.e. knowledge is still being passed on from generation to generation) or negative (the feel of the corn in the hands and the skill involved has been automated and as a result a connection with the past is lost) I think is ambiguous. However, I think the poet is saying that there is a fundamental change by moving to modern technology, which although is labour saving, disconnects us from the past.



    This is reinforced by the shock of her mother telling her grandmother of their plans to leave. She runs in with excitement, interrupting the calm scene and disrupting the ancient ritual. The grinding of the corn is a metaphor for the way a younger generation has broken with the past, shown by the spilt flour and the closing of the door with the wind. Note the sibilance of %26quot;sudden silence%26quot; and the simple, monosyllabic words which end the poem. There is no words adequate to express her grandmother's grief, so the poet is content with a simple depiction of the finality of the door shutting. The grandmother is left alone, with an %26quot;aching absence%26quot;.



    I thought this was a brilliant poem. It reminds me of Edwin Muir's classic poem %26quot;Horses%26quot; - describing how the survivors of a nuclear war have to abandon modern technology and rediscover the horse.Could you annotate this poem please?
    dont understand it at all sorry :(Could you annotate this poem please?
    noCould you annotate this poem please?
    (Poem start's here)

    My grandmother

    works the chucky. She funnels

    A handful of maize* into the hole

    just as her mother used to do.

    Sometimes she feels the grainy texture

    Of her grandmother聮s palm.

    Once, the mud dried room

    Filled with the spirits of all our mothers.

    But usually all she can see

    Is her ageing hand, all she can feel

    Is an aching absence.

    My mother

    Has a Philips grinder and my sister

    (Welcome to the middle of the poem!)

    Knows how to change the fuse.

    And when they make roasted maize

    We always have it with spinach

    And lots of butter. Sometimes the scents

    Bring my grandmother back

    Before our eyes, and we recall

    The story of how our mother

    Ran in with our father to tell

    My grandmother of their plans to go to England.

    Of how the grinding stopped and the flour

    Spilt and the sudden silence

    Was interrupted by a gust

    Which shut the door on the light.

    (Poem ends here)

    The perfect man?........?

    A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, %26quot;Perfect timing, Mister! You're just like Frank.%26quot;



    Passenger: %26quot;Who?%26quot;





    Cabbie: %26quot;Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.%26quot;



    Passenger: %26quot;There are always a few clouds over everybody.%26quot;



    Cabbie: %26quot;Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.%26quot;



    Passenger: %26quot;Sounds like he was something really special.%26quot;



    Cabbie: %26quot;There's more! He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody%26quot;s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.%26quot;



    Passenger: %26quot;Wow, some guy then.%26quot;



    Cabbie: %26quot;He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too -- He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.%26quot;



    Passenger: %26quot;An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?%26quot;



    Cabbie: %26quot;Well, I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his damned widow.%26quot;

    The perfect man?........?
    Worth the long read.The perfect man?........?
    i am.

    Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?

    A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He

    gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says,



    'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'



    'Passenger: 'Who?'



    Cabbie:



    楩rank. He's a guy who did everything right all the

    time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab,

    things happened like that to Frank every single time.'



    Passenger:

    'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'



    Cabbie:



    'Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano.

    He was an amazing guy.



    'Passenger:



    'Sounds like he was something really special.



    Cabbie:



    'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank, he could do everything right.'



    Passenger. 'Wow, some guy then.'



    Cabbie:



    'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid

    traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But

    Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a

    woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too -- he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could

    ever measure up to Frank.'



    Passenger:



    'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'



    Cabbie:



    'Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his widow.'









    Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    Star for you!



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    Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    hey jill i never met Frank but it seems as a worste froxs that you met...! it's no matter be in his lab and enjoy?HO HO HA...

    Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    Erm it's quite funny, but after all that reading the punchline seemed a bit of letdown. Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    Not amazingly funny, but good all the same. Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    Frank Sinatra?



    He sings, dances, and plays the piano.

    And he always seemed to have good luck.

    Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    I like that one Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    great joke very funny Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    its really not funnyDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    BrilliantDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    Very funny. Fantastic. From where you got this?

    Its brilliant, extreme funny jokeDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    Very good its nice to have a clean funny oneDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    Very funnyDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    LOLDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    lol poor cabbie

    hrheeheheheeeheehDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    hahahahahhahahahhahahhaDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    that one was funny :)Do You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    lol idk its funny but its too cleanDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    not lolDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    lol. geniusDo You Know Frank ? ? ? ? ? ? Ha ha ha?
    i didn't laugh or chuckle at all